FEAR

FEAR

When I think about fear, I think about being afraid of something. For me I’m not too afraid of anything. Being the last of four siblings, there isn’t too much I haven’t been exposed too. Although there is one fear I have of snakes. They are just too slick for me. My biggest fear as a child used to be dying. Mostly because I didn’t know if I would go to heaven or hell, and I see death as no after earth. Like I picture just being asleep and never waking up, and no matter how hard life can get I somehow still enjoy living it. Everyone says you should fear GOD, but for me that makes me curious. GOD is for us, always with us, and would never leave are side, so I’m curious to why would we be afraid of someone who really doesn’t want to harm us? My mother says I should read the bible more, I totally agree.

No one wants to die, but when it’s your time to go I guess you have too. I even hated the thought of thinking about it. There are times even as an adult I think about it. Mostly when I’m going to bed. I just picture absolutely nothing and being trapped in my mind but not able to do anything. If it makes any since I picture being asleep but not being asleep but just seeing pitch black. I imagine not being able to talk to my friends or family, and that bothers me the most because I’m very family oriented. When I lose someone close to me I always take it hard. One of my biggest lost was my grandfather. He meant the world to me, and he taught me things without even teaching me. I lost him at a very important point in my life. I believe I was around 11 years old. I just remember him getting sick and there was nothing that could be done. I always felt that he would be there to see me graduate. I even imagine what my life would be like if he had stuck around. Thankfully I still have my grandmother around, to remind me every day how great of a man he was. Something I would never forget is the day she told me that he would be so proud of me. To overcome such a tragedy, I had no choice but to succeed.

Success is pretty big for me. I see success as failing at something but never giving up till you succeed. I believe in order to truly be successful you must fail first. Being the youngest, I always felt like I was in competition with my siblings. Except I wanted to be better than them at everything. I sort of strived for greatness. I wanted to build my own name and be good while I did it. I used to take pride into not quitting things once I started them. Once I got older I realized some things you have to quit, in order to succeed. For instance I was 21 years old and managing a shoe store. I remember being there open to close, nonstop every day. Till finally one day I said, I don’t want to do this for the rest of my life, I need change. I need a job that will allow me to go to school and do exactly something I would wake up every day loving. That’s a pretty hard task in itself. Think about that, waking up every day enjoying you job. Let my mom tell it that is nearly impossible. I personally disagree I believe in order to get exactly what you want, you must do things you have never done, and actually be well at it. How do you be well at something you have never done? Practice is the answer, working hard towards the results you want.